I was working on chaos and control in the studio, choosing what to control and record (contain) and what to allow to happen without recording ( spilling) which involved making spontaneous decisions on entering my studio. In the middle of exploring this my friend Greg committed suicide and so the pieces became much darker and more emotional.
I am exploring chaos and control.
Each time I come into the studio I chose what to control and record but also what to let go of, not to control, record or keep.
Each day is a new day and I decide by looking at what has gone before or the results of what has happened.
Some days I carefully plan, record and I have expectations of the outcome. This is the me I know well and it fits with being a teacher and having used clay for many years.
Some days I smash what I have made with a hammer.
Other days I break my own ceramic rules and do some things that I do not know the outcome of. A glaze broken down into it’s components instead of being blended. An added ingredient, a spoon, charcoal, glass. Materials added in the wrong order taken to the wrong temperature in the kiln.
This can be in the making, glazing or firing.
Each day I can choose to make, discard, continue, record or take a chance that can not be repeated.
All I know is that this piece will be a figurative piece one day and that although it is an awful feeling opening the kiln to my disaster experiments sometimes. It feels deeply emotional, sometimes I am joyous and happily ‘lost’ in my own creativity but afterwards I can feel anxious and ‘lost’ in the not knowing.